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You Know You're Getting Older When...
Published on 9/12/2006
A fortune teller offers to read your face
The little old gray haired lady you help across the street... is your wife
You get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out." (Jerry Seinfeld)
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions
You're older than your dentist
Those issues of Reader's Digest just can't come fast enough
You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere
You stop to look at a new automobile and think, "Gee, that's a nice looking car." And it's a Ford Taurus.
Your idea of a sexy babe is Kate O'Beirne.
You actually want socks for Christmas.
Your kids groan when you tell them stories about when you were a kid, too.
You go to bed before your kids.
You and your teeth don't sleep together
A telephone rings on the TV and you think it's yours
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work
You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You're on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money does.
All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation
You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room
People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You send money to PBS
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You know what the word "equity" means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You got cable for The Weather Channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You find yourself smiling at this list.
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